As I was reading the passages for this week and also going over the sources I check to create my Family Focus, I was struck by the theme of “bad decisions” and the consequences of those decisions. If you’re anything like me, sometimes the choices you’ve made in your past – actions, paths, behaviours – can be haunting. As someone who deals with anxiety on the daily, I can often find myself spiralling into the abyss of memories and residual embarrassment over something I said or did while I was depressed, didn’t have the verbal filter on, was caught up in immaturity, or simply did without thinking about it.
In this story, the son who makes the “bad” choices is the one who receives celebration and praise. I think to truly understand what this story is trying to tell us, we need to think about how we frame the gifts we have in our lives.
The parable of the Prodigal Son, our Gospel reading for the week, is a story about two sons who make two very different decisions about what to do with the property/inheritance from their father. The one son takes the money, spends it all, ends up with nothing, and takes up a job tending to pigs. He still doesn’t make enough to survive, or at least isn’t getting enough to eat, so he goes back to his father and asked to be treated like a hired hand so that he can at least be able to live. When he returns to his father, he was treated with such joy and celebration at being back.
The other son, in the meantime, wisely tends his father’s property, and has never had any kind of celebration or gifts like his brother who had made the “bad” decision received when he returned. His father, interestingly, tells him that of course they need to celebrate the brother who left, because in doing so, he was “dead” and now he has found his way back and is alive to the family again.
This parable is kind of confusing, because we want to believe that if we make “good” choices and we do the “right” thing, then we will be rewarded and we will get ahead in life, whatever that might look like for us. But in this story, the son who makes the “bad” choices is the one who receives celebration and praise. I think to truly understand what this story is trying to tell us, we need to think about how we frame the gifts we have in our lives.
I come from a position of a lot of privilege in society. I was raised in a White, middle-class home with a Mom who stayed home to take care of my brother and I, and a Dad who worked extremely hard and often long hours building a medical practice and volunteering in various organizations. We never really wanted for anything. We took trips. We did extracurriculars. Our university education was paid for and we were supported every step of the way.
In comparison, my husband Josh had a very different childhood. By the time we had met, he had moved houses more times than he had had birthdays. He left home at 16, and moved to northern Ontario to support his then partner through her education. A big deal for him as a child was getting a brand new pair of basketball shoes because he had made the school basketball team. Money was often tight, but his parents worked (and continue to work) extremely hard to take care of their family.
I can look at the trajectory of my life, and where I am now, and feel unimpressed with myself. Could I have done more? Am I a disappointment? Given all the resources I had available to me, I could have done literally anything with my life. I’m blessed to be where I am, sharing ministry with my Transfiguration church family, but there are lots of ways in which I often think I could have done better, whatever that means. Then I look at Josh – he started with practically nothing, and now he runs a successful small business. We both received help along the way, and we both ended up in similar places, but we had different starting points, and I think that’s the key to understanding this parable. Josh didn’t necessarily do anything wrong to get himself into difficult circumstances, but because he had farther to go to get where he is now, it feels like a bigger achievement to be living a privileged life, as we do now. I might have made some bad choices, but I had lots of blessings along the way, and so it feels less remarkable to be where I am today. But, neither of our experiences or achievements is greater or less than the other’s, and I certainly have struggled with diminishing my own experiences in the past. We have both had challenges in our own ways, and blessings in our own ways, but just in very different ways.
Going back to the parable, both brothers end up back with and in the care of their father, but the son who left and ended up with nothing had farther to go to come back. The son who stayed was always there. He did what was expected, and was rewarded with stability and a good quality of life along the way.
Neither made a “bad” decision – notice I’ve been using quotes around the whole good/bad thing – they each made choices that took them in different directions in life. The son who stayed home was equally as blessed as his brother. Certainly he didn’t receive a fatted calf or jewellery or whatever other gifts his father might have given him, but he had lots of gifts over a long period of time. He was blessed continuously and received the reward of stability and a good life. The son who went away took a risk and had a lot of lived experiences that his brother didn’t approve of, but he made his way back and found the humility to ask for help when he needed it. He found his way back to the same kind of life – the same endpoint – but he gets showered with praise and gifts because he had chosen to find his way back.
I’m going to wrap this back into the concept of being haunted by past choices and actions. Our psalm today talks about how when we remain silent about our transgressions, they weigh heavy on us. But, when we ask for help and face our mistakes, then we are met with open arms by God and are forgiven, and even offered a place of safety. It is not worth holding onto the things in our past that we are haunted by. They only hold us back from finding our way. If we’ve done questionable things, harmful things, embarrassing things – we can ask for forgiveness and for help and still be met with joyful celebration. You can let those things go. Acknowledge the person you are now and be mindful of the choices you make today while also looking at how far you’ve come.